“Nowhere have I ever heard of Satan taking the form of an avuncular hippie. No doubt he could. It just seems inefficient.”

“He's not lazy. He's just highly inefficient.”

“I suggest you...Fuck."Even if it was an invitation, I doubt I would have been able to take her up on it just then. Inspiring as she could be in bed, I just didn't have it in me at the moment.”

“Then, seemingly from out of nowhere, appeared sea gulls… forming a welcoming committee for an island I hadn’t the slightest desire to visit.”

“Have you ever felt like you could cry because you know you just heard the most important thing anybody in the world could have spoke at that second?”

“Chicken Soup for the Soul". You've heard of these books, am I right? We've all heard of them. But I wonder if you're aware of just how many "Chicken Soup" books exist on the planet. No offense, but I doubt it. I doubt it because in the time it would take you to come up with a number, the number would have become obsolete. Even as you read this, in some quiet, fecund place, another "Chicken Soup" book is being born.”