“Because it's a brilliant film. It's funny, and violent, and it's got Harvey Keitel and Tim Roth in it, and everything. And a cracking sound track.Maybe there's no comparison between Ian sleeping with Laura and Reservoir Dogs after all. Ian hasn't got Harvey Keitel and Tim Roth in him. And Ian's not funny. Or violent. And he's got a crap sound track, judging from what we used to hear through the ceiling. I've taken this as far as it will go.”

“He leaned in for a sniff. 'Smells like a horse's arse! I've got Ian!' -'No sniffing allowed! We never discussed sniffing! I cry foul!' Ian was outraged. 'I'm not giving you a shilling!' -'Give him a shilling! It's not his fault you smell like a horse's arse!”

“Toby placed his front paws on the track, looked up at Ian, and whined."What in hell are you wearing, big man?" he asked, staring down at the dog."It's his sweater.""That's a terrible thing to do to a noble beast," Ian muttered, grabbing the sweater by the hem and pulling it up over Toby's head.-Ian and Jessie”

“The computer beeped as the upload completed. A moment later, Ian Kabra appeared on the screen.Dan was surprised. "Hey, Ian, isn't it, like, two in the morning back there?""It's called jet lag," Ian informed him. "I'm still on London time. I don't suppose you savages have any tea in this mausoleum.""There's a diet Snapple in the fridge."Ian shuddered. "I thought not.”

“You stupid jackass," Ian said."Who's got the crush on a worm, bro? You gonna call me stupid?”

“We all need something that takes us out of day to day and reminds us that it's all ok."Ian Tucker www.yoursimplepath.co.uk”