“I'm standing on a gigantic book, floating in space...I will never need to take drugs in my entire life!”

“I was consumed by some kind of unholy, indignant rage that propelled me through the confrontation to its successful conclusion - and out the other side into the cool, calm lagoon of reflective dread known as the ‘what the fuck have I just done?’ feeling.”

“I have no idea why this is. I’m sure somebody with a beard and too much time on their hands would say it has something to do with sex - but they’ll say that about anything.”

“You might discuss important philosophical topics, such as the nature of existence- or what a bunch of lying toe rags politicians are.”

“The second she touched it, the blue screen of death appeared, along with that dissonant gank noise Windows makes when it decides the stress of existence has become too much and commits electronic suicide.”

“So many people are so good at so many things. Right now I'm lucky we're supposed to smile during the curtain call, because I'm so happy this is the thing I'm good at.”

“Overheard at O'Banion's Beer Emporium: "Pardon me, darlin', but I'm writin' a telephone book. C'n I have yer number?”