“I see dead Presidents. Lincoln, Jefferson, Franklin, and Washington.”

“If you don’t laugh reading this book I’ll eat my pocket protector. Wait, did I just admit I had a pocket protector?”

“Many small businesses would rather face an angry barbarian horde than tackle their cash flow statement or price a new product.”

“Not a single person has died of boredom reading this book.”

“This man was the pope, president, and god of dodging the topic. Too bad for him he was dealing with the queen, holy mother, and empress of seeing through a man’s stream of shit.”

“When Arthur Schlesinger Sr. pioneered the 'presidential greatness poll' in 1948, the top five were Lincoln, Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, and Jefferson. Only Wilson appears to be seriously fading, probably because his support for the World War I-era Sedition Act now seems outrageous; in this analogy, Woodrow is like the Doors and the Sedition Act is Oliver Stone.”

“A blanket is great for covering things, like the dead guy, I just killed with this brick.”