“I understand, given her track record, "I should use a first and last name-- maybe even the last four digits of their social security number-- when making a reference to one of her boyfriends.”

“The cute girl at the bar asked for my number. I told her I’m number one. Then I gave her the area code and the following seven digits.”

“And why had Deb's last boyfriend dumped her? I dumped him. Maybe you didn't French-kiss him enough. I promise you that wasn't it. Tell me how many times a day you kissed, and I'll say if it was enough. Four hundred. Not enough.”

“It was Kizzy's first kiss and maybe it was her last and it was delicious.”

“A girl gives her boyfriend an alibi for the evening when we suspect him of robbing a north-side Centra and stabbing the clerk. I flirt with her at first, telling her I can see why he would want to stay home when he's got her; she is peroxided and greasy, with flat, stunted features of generations of malnutrition, and privately I am thinking that if I were her boyfriend I would be relieved to trade her even for a hairy cellmate named Razor.”

“He had a last name for a first name, and a last name for a last name, but only because it came after his first name (the one that sounds like a last name). Otherwise, his last name would sound like a first name.”