“Lord help me, I was going to become a nun if my male radar didn't realign towards guys that were not walking penises.”

“Ben starts. "I Spy with my little eye something I really like.""Oh I know," Radar says. "It's the taste of balls.""No.""Is it the taste of penises?" I guess."No, dumbass.""Hmm," says Radar. "Is it the smell of balls?""The texture of balls?”

“I cry to you, my Lord, my rock! Do not be deaf to me, for if you are silent, I shall go down to the pit like the rest. Hear my voice raised in petition as I cry to you for help, as I raise my hands, my Lord, toward your holy of holies.”

“Yeah…hey, you have a male here.” Shay walked toward the hall, sniffing the air. “And he’s human. Way to go, Dani!”

“Female friendships are special. We expect our girlfriends to live up to a higher standard. Guys can get away with any old BS because, hell, they're guys. They think with their penises and can't help it.”

“It was at that moment that something bizarrely divine happened. Something I could have almost blown off if it hadn’t happened before my eyes. Two nuns walked in the door with their arms loaded down with packages. I’d never seen shopping nuns before, but it was all the sign I needed. “I want to go to school at Saint Catherine’s.” Mom gasped. “That all girls school?”“Yes.”“That Catholic school?”“Yes!” I continued looking at the nuns. One of them caught my eye, and she smiled. I returned her smile. Mom glanced over her shoulder. “Are you trying to tell me you want to become a nun? Because if you are, I’m taking you to the fucking hospital right now!”