“Dead pirates didn't get to spend their booty. Dead pirates didn't get to shake their booty, either. Bummer.”

“I still don't know why we didn't hire a carto get around Ireland.""When I was a kid, I always dreamed about living in Ireland. I used to pretend I was one ofthe traveling people, driving my gypsy wagon from village to village. Used to picture a darkgypsy kidnapping me and having his way with me. Exciting stuff." Katy grinned at her. "Couldstill happen, you know.""Katy, we have a horse that's so laid-back I have to keep checking to see if he's dead.”

“I don't know where you get off telling everyone what to do. Did I miss the part where you were crowned top turd? I don't want to play the wicked consort of Eric the Evil. Last time I looked, there wasn't a wicked consort clause in my contract." Donna turned to Eric as he stopped by her side. "I can't believe he thinks he can harass me like he does the rest of the poor wretches who work here." She glared at Holgarth. "Why not rent a wig and you can be the wicked consort?"As one of the castle's poor wretches, Eric didn't offer anything to the conversation because he was too busy picturing Holgarth in a wig. And from there, he went on to imagine Donna in her wicked consort costume - short on cloth with lots of bare skin showing. Things were looking up.”

“She silently chanted the rules of the civilized: Thou shalt not make love on a balcony even if it’s thirty-something stories up because someone might see you. Thou shalt not make love with a dinosaur no matter how sexy he is. Thou shalt not make love on a balcony when a werewolf is in the room, even if said werewolf is asleep. And last but not least, thou shalt not make love outside when it’s cold because goose bumps are never attractive.”

“They’ve worked the absolute-power-corrupts-absolutely truth since the beginning of time. They foment destruction and chaos. It puts them in their happy place.”

“You touch my soul, woman. You touch what I am, what I once was, and what I will be.”

“She understood the meaning of the "Dark Ages" now. Because with all the drinking to celebrate rescues of fair maidens and slayings of dragons, vampires, and other scary whatevers, the local folk must've spent most of their time facedown on the great hall floor.”