“I like long walks, especialy when they are taken by people who annoy me.”

“I'll go and see anything so long as it amuses me, or moves me. If it doesn't do either I want to go home.”

“I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me. ”

“What I adore is supreme professionalism. I’m bored by writers who can write only when it’s raining.”

“I love criticism just so long as it's unqualified praise. ”

“You kissed me because you were awfully nice and I was awfully nice and we both liked kissing very much. It was inevitable.”

“Act I, Scene 1GARRY: ....My worst defect is that I am apt to worry too much about what people think of me when I'm alive. But I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm changing my methods and you're my first experiment. As a rule, when insufferable young beginners have he impertinence to criticise me, I dismiss the whole thing lightly because I'm embarrassed for them and consider it not quite fair game to puncture their inflated egos too sharply. But this time my highbrow young friend you're going to get it in the neck. To begin with your play is not a play at all. It's a meaningless jumble of adolescent, pseudo intellectual poppycock. And you yourself wouldn't be here at all if I hadn't been bloody fool enough to pick up the telephone when my secretary wasn't looking. Now that you are here, however, I would like to tell you this. If you wish to be a playwright you just leave the theater of to-morrow to take care of itself. Go and get yourself a job as a butler in a repertory company if they'll have you. Learn from the ground up how plays are constructed and what is actable and what isn't. Then sit down and write at least twenty plays one after the other, and if you can manage to get the twenty-first produced for a Sunday night performance you'll be damned lucky!ROLAND (hypnotised): I'd no idea you were like this. You're wonderful!”