“If by any chance a playwright wishes to express a political opinion or a moral opinion or a philosophy, he must be a good enough craftsman to do it with so much spice of entertainment in it that the public get the message without being aware of it.”

“Act I, Scene 1GARRY: ....My worst defect is that I am apt to worry too much about what people think of me when I'm alive. But I'm not going to do that anymore. I'm changing my methods and you're my first experiment. As a rule, when insufferable young beginners have he impertinence to criticise me, I dismiss the whole thing lightly because I'm embarrassed for them and consider it not quite fair game to puncture their inflated egos too sharply. But this time my highbrow young friend you're going to get it in the neck. To begin with your play is not a play at all. It's a meaningless jumble of adolescent, pseudo intellectual poppycock. And you yourself wouldn't be here at all if I hadn't been bloody fool enough to pick up the telephone when my secretary wasn't looking. Now that you are here, however, I would like to tell you this. If you wish to be a playwright you just leave the theater of to-morrow to take care of itself. Go and get yourself a job as a butler in a repertory company if they'll have you. Learn from the ground up how plays are constructed and what is actable and what isn't. Then sit down and write at least twenty plays one after the other, and if you can manage to get the twenty-first produced for a Sunday night performance you'll be damned lucky!ROLAND (hypnotised): I'd no idea you were like this. You're wonderful!”

“It is my considered opinion that the human race (soi disant) is cruel, idiotic, sentimental, predatory, ungrateful, ugly, conceited and egocentric to the last ditch and that the occasional discovery of an isolated exception is as deliciously surprising as finding a sudden brazil nut in what you know to be five pounds of vanilla creams. These glorious moments, although not making life actually worth living, perhaps, at least make it pleasanter.”

“I don't know what London's coming to — the higher the buildings the lower the morals.”

“I'll go and see anything so long as it amuses me, or moves me. If it doesn't do either I want to go home.”

“In tropical climes, there are certain times of day,When the citiens retire to tear their clothes off and perspire.--It s one of those rules that the greatest fools obey,--because the sun is much too sultry, and one must avoid it s ultra-violet-ray.--Mad dogs and englishmen go out in the mid-day sun.--The Japanese don t care to, The Chinese wouldn t dare to. Hindoos and Argentines sleep firmly from twelwe to one.--But mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the mid-day sun.”

“It'll never get well if you pick it.”