“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”

“Baclli swarm within my portalsSuch as ne'r conceived by mortals,But, bred by scientists,Wise and hoary in some Olympian laboratory.Bacteria as large as miceWith feet of fire and heads of ice,Who never interrupt for slumberTheir stomping, elephantine rumba.( From the poem--- " The Common Cold " )”

“Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.”

“Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.”

“Professional men, they have no cares;Whatever happens, they get theirs.”

“Tonight’s December thirty-first,Something is about to burst.The clock is crouching, dark and small,Like a time bomb in the hall.Hark, it's midnight, children dear.Duck! Here comes another year!”

“Everybody who has a baby thinks everybody who hasn't a baby ought to have a baby,Which accounts for the success of such plays as the Irish Rose of Abie,The idea apparently being that just by being fruitfulYou are doing something beautiful,Which if it is trueMeans that the common housefly is several million times more beautiful than me or you.”