“How easy for those who do not bulgeTo not overindulge!”

“There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful,And who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.”

“Everybody who has a baby thinks everybody who hasn't a baby ought to have a baby,Which accounts for the success of such plays as the Irish Rose of Abie,The idea apparently being that just by being fruitfulYou are doing something beautiful,Which if it is trueMeans that the common housefly is several million times more beautiful than me or you.”

“How do I feel today? I feel as unfit as an unfiddle,And it is the result of a certain turbulence in the mind and an uncertain burbulence in the middle.What was it, anyway, that angry thing that flew at me?I am unused to banshees crying Boo at me.Your wife can’t be a banshee—Or can she?”

“People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven’t what they want that they really don’t want it.”

“He who has never tasted jail Lives well within the legal pale, While he who's served a heavy sentence Renews the racket, not repentance.”

“Indeed, everybody wants to be a wow, But not everybody knows exactly how. Some people think they will eventually wear diamonds instead of rhinestones Only by everlastingly keeping their noses to their ghrinestones”