“I’m your best buddy, and you don’t want me to die from a giant case of blue balls?”“I don’t think that’s fatal,” Aggie said.“Have you ever had blue balls?” Eric asked.She grinned and flipped her gaze to the ceiling. “Well…”“They’re not just for Smurfs.”

“I’m only 33% patriotic, because I don’t bleed red, white, and blue. I only bleed red. But I pee white and my balls are blue, so doesn’t that count for something?”

“One time Allie and I skipped school and went to see this foreign film called Los Diablos, where these villagers found a glowing blue ball and peeled pieces off of it to see what was inside. Only the ball was really radioactive, and they all died from the poison. I think that’s what happens when you look too deep inside for the truth. The poison comes out, and you die, even though you have beautiful glowing pieces of blue truth in your fingers.”

“Jesus, Dean. I don’t know why you have me around with her watching your back”“You’re just jealous. But don’t worry. One day you too will have your very own little Amazon.”“I’ll just settle for a woman.”“If you’re lonely, you can have the inflatable sex doll Blue gave me for my birthday. I don’t want the twoof you to miss out on an opportunity for love.”“You didn’t like her?”“I wasn’t man enough to satisfy her cravings. I’m sure you’ll be different.”

“She (Candace) straightened her spine and shot him (Ryan) a warning glare. “You know what? You just reminded me why I don’t like you.”He grinned like he got a giant kick out of needling her. Or maybe it was her response that he found funny. “Well I like you.”“That’s because I’m not rude and obnoxious.”“Well there is that. But I think it’s mostly to do with the fact that I’m standing here breathing because of you.”“Ah. So gratitude makes you rude? I’ll have to remember that if I’m in the area next time you get in a tight spot.”

“That’s it,” she said, balling her hands in fists. “I’m not letting you out of it this time. I insist that you take me to Scotland. I demand you ruin me. As a point of honor.”