“I'm not a criminal. I'm a buisness woman.”

“I just realized... maybe it's maturity or the wisdom that comes with age, but the witch in Hansel and Gretel -- she's very misunderstood. I mean, the woman builds her dream house and these brats come along and start eating it.”

“I'm scared to death that I'll never be afraid.”

“I'm a guy who likes cake. I'm just throwing it out to you guys, I eat lots of cake. And when people take my cake away, it makes me mad. It makes me mad!”

“Please take a long, hard look at your textbook, cause I'm history”

“And, well, that's my story," I said. "I'm sorry that it's so, you know. Retarded.”

“I wish I had covered all my tracks completely cause I'm so afraidIs that the light at the far end of the tunnel or just the train?”