“Don't think you can watch all the romantic movies, soap operas, TV shows and read all the romantic books out there and not be affected. Ninety-nine percent of the romantic stuff out there is garbage... and what you put in always comes out... UGLIER!”

“when people say right person, wrong time, or wrong person, right time, it's usually a cop-out. They think that fate is playing with them. That we're all just participants in this romantic reality show that God gets a kick out of watching. But the universe doesn't decide what's right or not right. You do.”

“All losers are romantics. It's what keeps us from blowing our brains out.”

“Every romantic movie with a grocery shopping scene had to have a baguette sticking out of the bag. And a bundle of flowers.”

“All this time I'd thought we were strangers, and it turned out we knew each other intuitively, in our bones, in our blood. It was kind of romantic. Catastrophically romantic.”

“Hell, if a neighbour were to stick their head out their window and see a tattooed god ramming a chick in the neighbour’s backyard all lit by romantic lights, they’d probably watch. I’d watch too.”