“The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets she took him.”

“Also, if a man takes pride in his disguise skills, it would be a foolish wife who would claim to recognise him: it's always an imprudence to step between a man and the reflection of his own cleverness.”

“Life's too short to take yourself seriously, and too long to take a wife jokingly.”

“A man who loves money is a bastard, someone to be hated. A man who can't take care of it is a fool. You don't hate him, but you got to pity him.”

“Cleverness is a quality a man likes to have in his wife as long as she is some distance away from him. Up close, he'll take kindness any day of the week, if there's nothing more alluring to be had.”

“I had a dog. Ex-wife took him, and the house.”Is that why you like country music?”He eased himself our of the closet. “Huh?””Just a joke. Sorry about your dog.”