“[I'm] as broke as the ten commandments.”

“I laughed derisively."For goodness' sake, don't start gargling now. This is serious.""I was laughing.""Oh, were you? Well, I'm glad to see you taking it in this merry spirit.""Derisively," I explained.”

“I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.”

“I believe there are two ways of writing novels. One is making a sort of musical comedy without music and ignoring real life altogether; the other is going deep down into life and not caring a damn...”

“Well, you certainly are the most wonderfully woolly baa-lamb that ever stepped.”

“Oh, Jeeves,' I said; 'about that check suit.'Yes, sir?'Is it really a frost?'A trifle too bizarre, sir, in my opinion.'But lots of fellows have asked me who my tailor is.'Doubtless in order to avoid him, sir.'He's supposed to be one of the best men in London.'I am saying nothing against his moral character, sir.”

“I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.”