“I did not try to keep her. I do not think I even wanted to. Between us, for the moment, there was nothing more to be said. I wanted above all to be alone and think things over. When she was ready to go, she said, "Better give me the gun. You won't want it on the journey, and if there is a check, I can manage it better than you can. But unloaded, please." I did not ask her how she would manage. I found I trusted her completely in things like that, and my own recent record did not inspire much confidence in the matter of keeping my weaponry out of enemy hands.”

“There's something I have to say," I said seriously, looking her in the eye. She smiled. "Oookay." She was mocking me-mocking my tone-but I didn't care. "Okay. Here it is. I love you," I said. "And I never, ever wanted to hurt you. It's like, the number one thing I never want to do, but somehow, I keep doing it. And I'm sorry, I just...that's all I wanted to say all this time. All I was trying to do...with that thing with your dad, not telling you...was not to hurt you. And I'm sorry that I did. Alley stared at me. "And I'm sorry that I did it again. With the Chloe thing. Which was stupid. Like, really, really, stupid. And I-" "Can you just stop, for a second?" Ally said, holding up a hand. "What?" I said. "Can you say the first part again?" she asked, rolling her fingers around for a rewind. I racked my brain. "Um...I love you?" I said. "That's the part, Cuz I love you, too.”

“I need you,” she said with such determination that it was like declaring war. I watched her lips as she said it. If she wanted war, she was going to get war.I smiled.Then I threw caution to the wind and did the thing I’d been dreaming about doing. I lunged for her, grabbing her face in my hands, bringing her mouth to mine.”

“Did she say anything before she died?" he asked."Yes," the surgeon said. "She said, 'Forgive him'""Forgive him?" my father asked."I think she was referring to the drunk driver who killed her."Wow.My grandmother's last act on earth was a call for forgiveness, love and tolerance.She wanted us to forgive Gerald, the dumb-ass Spokane Indian alcoholic who ran her over and killed her.I think My Dad wanted to go find Gerald and beat him to death.I think my mother would have helped him.I think I would have helped him, too.But my grandmother wanted us to forgive her murderer.Even dead, she was a better person than us.”

“He caught her hand. “What do you want from me, Grace?”That was easy. “Everything.” She wanted to touch his chest, but since he held her hand prisoner, she insinuated one leg between his legs, delighting in what it did to his breathing. “I don’t want you to hold anything back. I don’t want you to be so careful with me all the time.”“Grace….”“I want you to give me as much as I can take, and then I want you to give me more.”“Like I did last night?”His voice was rough, laced with self-disgust. God help her, she’d never loved him more.”

“I would like to be able to say that she broke my heart but I know better. I broke my own heart. I can't say that she did it and get behind that statement in any real way. I know too much. The only one I can blame for my loneliness is myself. Even if I did think that she did it to me I wouldn't feel any better. Tonight I was watching a movie and this actor in the film looked like her when she had a profile shot. She did not break my heart I did. I don't know why I would do something this painful to myself. I wish I would stop it's been months now and I'm still hurting myself nightly. I can avoid it for awhile and then it comes back.”