“Buy this book or I’ll take it personally, and I will have my revenge. I’ll steal your girlfriend or make out with your dad. It doesn’t matter to me. Whichever will hurt worse. My vengeance knows no sexuality. You don’t want this. Your dad does though. Yeah, like you didn’t know your parents’ marriage was a sham. Come on. Open your fucking eyes.”

“Tell me about it. It’s so hard to deal with a single parent. They take out all their anxiety on you. It’s like,she’s so angry all the time. And I didn’t even do anything!”“That’s so wrong.”“Yeah.”“Where’s your dad?”“I don’t know. My mom had me when she was still in high school, so . . .”“You don’t see him at all?”“No, and I don’t want to. I have no interest in maintaining a relationship with someone who didn’t loveme enough to stick around.”

“If you look at anotherwoman, I’ll rip your eyes out. Touch one and I’ll cut off your hands. Kissher and I’ll sever your tongue from your mouth.“You don’t want to know what I’ll do if I find out your dick gotanywhere near another woman. So the choice is yours, you can live life as ablind, mute eunuch with stubs at the end of your arms or you can close theclub...”

“A Book “Now” - said a good book unto me -“Open my pages and you shall seeJewels of wisdom and treasures fine,Gold and silver in every line,And you may claim them if you but willOpen my pages and take your fill.“Open my pages and run them o’er,Take what you choose of my golden store.Be you greedy, I shall not care -All that you seize I shall gladly spare;There is never a lock on my treasure doors,Come - here are my jewels, make them yours!“I am just a book on your mantel shelf,But I can be part of your living self;If only you’ll travel my pages through,Then I will travel the world with you.As two wines blended make better wine,Blend your mind with these truths of mine.“I’ll make you fitter to talk with men,I’ll touch with silver the lines you pen,I’ll lead you nearer the truth you seek,I’ll strengthen you when your faith grows weak -This place on your shelf is a prison cell,Let me come into your mind to dwell!”

“Do Mom and Dad know you’re dating a homicidal lunatic? (Madaug)No, and if you tell them, I’ll superglue your fingertips to your keyboard. (Eric)”

“And I’ve been your monkey ever since. (Vik)Nah. You’re not my monkey, Vik. You’re my bitch. (Devyn)Of course I am. And I’ll remember that the next time your shower door is stuck and you want me to open it…Wait. That does make me your bitch, doesn’t it? Damn, I’m whipped. (Vik)”