“Yeah, I know you. I made you up. This is my dream. You're a mixture of Zac Efron and Johnny Depp.”

“I love watching people's faces when i say i live with my daughter and Johnny Depp.”

“Okay. Would you rather I looked like Hugh Jackman or George Clooney?” “Johnny Depp,” she says. She answers a little too fast for my comfort. “What the hell, Lake? You’re supposed to say Will! You’re supposed to say you want me to look like me!” “But you weren't one of the options,” she says. “Neither was Johnny Depp!”

“Johnny Depp... is. Sexy.”

“Someone's at the door! Someone's at the door!!!" they both yelled."I just told you, it's my—" I called, knowing they couldn't hear."Hey. Get away from the door, you miserable jack-off," I heard Chuck shout at my dad. "I'll rip your ass in half.""Me too! I'll rip your ass in half, too!!" yelled Johnny Depp. "We hate you. We hate you. We hate you. We hate you.""You guys, knock it off," I said, racing to open the door. "I just told you...it's my—Hi, Daddy," I said, hugging him."Come on in! Great to see you again!!" screamed Chuck."Thank God you're finally here!" screamed Johnny Depp. "We missed you. Where you been? Welcome back! Who are you??”

“I gotta ask you...why do you always circle before you lie down?" I said."As opposed to what?" Johnny Depp asked, astonished by the question. "You mean not circle? How would I tamp down the leaves and twigs and get comfortable?""What leaves and twigs?" I said. "This bed is twig-free.""Hmm. I see your point," said Johnny Depp, pausing for a second before he resumed circling. "But did it occur to you maybe that's because I circle first?”