“But are you glad you went to college? Was it a good experience?” I suppose it was. Althought I can’t remember a single thing I learned. Except for Latin, and that’s only because the nuns literally beat it into us and I use it sometimes for the crossword.” There were nuns at Radcliffe?” Yes, it was all nuns.” Are you sure? At Radcliffe?” Maybe it was high school.” But you aren’t Catholic,” I said. “I don’t think you ever went to a parochial school.” Well, I distinctly remember nuns with sticks walking up and down the aisles as we recited Latin. Maybe it was a show I was in, but I doubt it because nuns don’t beat children in musicals.”

“It was at that moment that something bizarrely divine happened. Something I could have almost blown off if it hadn’t happened before my eyes. Two nuns walked in the door with their arms loaded down with packages. I’d never seen shopping nuns before, but it was all the sign I needed. “I want to go to school at Saint Catherine’s.” Mom gasped. “That all girls school?”“Yes.”“That Catholic school?”“Yes!” I continued looking at the nuns. One of them caught my eye, and she smiled. I returned her smile. Mom glanced over her shoulder. “Are you trying to tell me you want to become a nun? Because if you are, I’m taking you to the fucking hospital right now!”

“The rabbis paled. I’d managed to terrify holy men. Maybe I could beat up a nun for an encore.”

“Maybe I wanted children, maybe I didn't, but I wanted the decision to be a choice, not a mandate. Last time I checked, childlessness was only supposed to be a condition of career advancement for nuns.”

“Oh you know me. I have no emotions. I'm a robot. Or a nun. A robot nun.”

“I didn't play practical jokes at home. I had a strict upbringing, which is part of my rebellion. I was raised Catholic and went to parochial school, which is why priests and nuns appear in my movies a lot, and I don't have very much nice to say about them.”