“A photograph is a secret about a secret. The more it tells you, the less you know.”

“A picture is a secret about a secret, the more it tells you the less you know.”

“I saw an advertisement the other day for the secret of life. It said 'The secret of life can be yours for twenty-five shillings. Sent to Secret of Life Institute, Willesden.' So I wrote away, seemed a good bargain, secret of life, twenty-five shillings. And I got a letter back saying, 'If you think you can get the secret of life for twenty-five shillings, you don't deserve to have it. Send fifty shillings for the secret of life.”

“«I realize there are a lot of things I haven't shared with you.»«That's because you don't trust me, father.»«I didn't trust you, Damian, do you really think you'd be standing here--my life's most safeguarded secrets accessible?»«Sometimes I think your secrets have secrets»”

“Ventilation is the profound secret of existence.”

“Envy nobody. It is the true secret of happiness, or at least the only one I know. (By Moonlight)”

“Branson ate his salad, and left the rest of his fish untouched, while Grace tucked into his steak and kidney pudding with relish. 'I read a while ago,' he told Branson, 'that the French drink more red wine than the English but live longer. The Japanese eat more fish than the English but drink less wine and live longer. The Germans eat more red meat than the English, and drink more beer and they live longer too. You know the moral of this story? 'No''It's not what you eat or drink - it's speaking English that kills you.”