“If Botticelli were alive today he'd be working for Vogue.”
“If God were alive today, He'd be an atheist.”
“If Tolstoy were alive today and working at Panopticon Insurance, he'd say that all insurance companies are the same, then throw himself through an eighteenth story window and plunge to his death in a hail of glass and shattered dignity" (70).”
“Do you realize what would happen if Moses were alive today? He'd go up to Mount Sinai, come back with the Ten Commandments, and spend the next eight years trying to get published.”
“I believe that more people would be alive today if there were a death penalty.”
“If she were alive today, she would be ashamed of me. I'm trying to change that.”