“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.”

“Those who pay their bills on time are soon forgotten. It is only by not paying one's bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial classes.”

“My parents didn't raise me to be religious. The closest we come to worship is the Trinity of Visa, MasterCard, and American Express.”

“These young folks say they can't leave home without their American Express, but nowadays I can't leave home without my pistol. I ain't used it in a while but I've been itching to.”

“Rachel? my dad prompts.Do I have to...?"His stern expression answers my questionFine. I'm grateful that the Native Americans are finally getting revenge on the white man for destroying their culture, by building megacasinos.”

“I loathe the expression “What makes him tick.” It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solutions, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm. ”