“Aunts Aren't Gentlemen”

“What poor and unfortunate creature had to die for you to wear that?" [pause] My Aunt Trudy, I replied. Walked away ladies and gentlemen, walked away!”

“Aunt Rachel says tahat the universe is always trying to speak to us, and that the universe doesn't waste time speaking about things that aren't within our direct power to influence or change. But if that's true, the universe needs a better signal.”

“Anyone who has the temerity to write about Jane Austen is aware of [two] facts: first, that of all great writers she is the most difficult to catch in the act of greatness; second, that there are twenty-five elderly gentlemen living in the neighbourhood of London who resent any slight upon her genius as if it were an insult to the chastity of their aunts.”

“A teacher had once told them that men were either beasts, gentlemen, or beasts masquerading as gentlemen. Might there be a fourth category — gentlemen masquerading as beasts?”

“This was not Aunt Dahlia, my good and kindly aunt, but my Aunt Agatha, the one who chews broken bottles and kills rats with her teeth.”