“I work my hardest and she still kicks the crap out of me.”

“She didn't want me; she wanted all of me. I didn't mind saying it. My girlfriend scared the crap out of me.”

“It's like getting the best Christmas gift ever, but Santa decided to kick the crap out of you before you unwrapped it.”

“I grabbed the sides of the machine and tried to shake it. No dice. Then I kicked it. Still nothing.I glared at the machine. “Let them out.” I punctuated my statement with a few more useless kicks.“You have an anger-management problem.”I whipped around at the sound of the warm, lilting British accent behind me.”

“Good thing she didn't kick hard enough. My jewels are still intact! My meat is still edible! My tube steak is fully functional! The frank is still above the beans!”

“Head throbbing, check. Stomach not quite right, check. Truthfully, she felt like crap. Somehow still horny crap...”