“Adults have an amazing capacity to suck the joy out of such noble pursuits as Reading and Writing until they resemble their favorite pastimes: Working and Suffering.”

“THE GHOULS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND, ROUND AND ROUND. THE GHOULS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND, ALL OVER TOWN!”

“You see, the journey of life is a wondrous thing. There are no maps, and no rest stops. You follow the signs as best you can, and suddenly you’re there. Wherever you are, that is.”

“After all, the best alibi is not the word of a friend, he knew, but the testimony of an enemy.”

“The complexity of economics can be calculated mathematically. Write out the algebraic equation that is the human heart and multiply each unknown by the population of the world.”

“What's important about morality in politics is us. We own the chicken farm. We must give our bird-brained, feather-headed politicians morals. Politicians love to think of themselves as "free-range" but they do not have the capacity to hunt or gather morals in the wild. If we fail to supply them with morality, politicians begin to act very scary in the barnyard. These are enormous headless chickens and they have nukes.”

“Microeconomics is about money you don't have, and macroeconomics is about money the government is out of.”