“It’s important to understand that in the Third World most driving is done with the horn, or “Egyptian Brake Pedal,” as it is known. There is a precise and complicated etiquette of horn use. Honk your horn only under the following circumstances:1. When anything blocks the road2. When anything doesn’t.3. When anything might.4. At red lights5. At green lights.6. At all other times.”

“I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It makes me feel less stupid.”

“Never wear anything that panics the cat.”

“America wasn't founded so that we could all be better. America was founded so we could all be anything we damned well pleased.”

“Cats are to dogs what modern people are to the people we used to have. Cats are slimmer, cleaner, more attractive, disloyal, and lazy. It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it. In fact, cats possess so many of the same qualities as some people (expensive girlfriends, for instance) that it's often hard to tell the people and the cats apart.”

“W is for Women. They're awful, mendacious, Nasty and selfish, cruel and salacious,As thievish as gypsies, more crazy than Celts.Be sure that you never fuck anything else.”

“The college idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem willing to do absolutely anything to save the biosphere, except take science courses and learn something about it.”