“Generally speaking, books don't cause much harm. Except when you read them, that is. Then they cause all kinds of problems.”

“This book will not harm you unless someone throws it at you which is a possibilty never to be discounted.”

“Only bad books have good endings.If a book is any good, it's ending is always bad - because you don't want the book to end.”

“Who needs to go somewhere when you can read about it.”

“Oh, talking is not so bad as that," said the Jester. "True, most people say only silly things when they speak. But it's easier to ignore them if you're saying silly things yourself.”

“Cassandra, when you want to speak to me, you should say 'Excuse me, Mrs. Johnson.' Then wait until you get my attention.""Excuse me, Mrs. Johnson. Do I have your attention now?”

“If this was a normal cover for a normal book,I would tell it's FANTASTIC!GRIPPING!(according to all book covers they're fantastic and gripping)”