“WARNING:DO NOT READ BEYOND THIS PAGE!”

“Who needs to go somewhere when you can read about it.”

“Generally speaking, books don't cause much harm. Except when you read them, that is. Then they cause all kinds of problems.”

“Please be SILENT and LISTEN.I am the SCHOOLMASTERand you are in the CLASSROOM.Just like ELEVEN PLUS TWO equalsTWELVE PLUS ONE,And even a FUNERAL can be REAL FUN,You will find my DICTIONARYis quite INDICATORY.If you want to read my story, just look...THEN UNREAD.”

“You know, people always warn children about taking candy from strange adults. But they never warn us adults about taking candy from strange children. All those sweet-looking kids who sell boxes of candy bars on the street to help pay for schooling - how do we know what's in those bars? And don't even get me stated on that nefarious institution designed to lure unsuspecting customers into buying mysterious frosted goodies: the bake sale. Adults, be warned: if a child wanted to poison you it would be a piece of cake! Literally a piece of cake.”

“Only bad books have good endings.If a book is any good, it's ending is always bad - because you don't want the book to end.”

“I detest mediocrity.”