“Be thankful for the little you've got, and a little is all you're gonna get.”

“If you're gonna burn a bridge behind you, make sure you've crossed it first.”

“I want an avowed atheist in the White House. When time comes to push that button, I want whoever's making the decision to understand that once it's pushed, it's over. Finito. They're not gonna have lunch with Jesus. Won't be deflowering 72 virgins on the great shag carpet of eternity, or reincarnated as a cow. I want someone making that decision who believes life on this Earth isn't just a dress rehearsal for something better -- but the only shot we get.”

“I was planning on procrastinating today . . . but never got around to it.”

“99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.”

“I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.”

“As with most things, my approach to writing has been entirely ass-backwards. I first had to become everything but a writer -- exhaust all possibilities. I had to come to it on my knees. Only when there was truly nothing left, was I able to become a writer.”