“Lately the muse has been treating me like Ike treated Tina.”

“After listening to Rick Santorum, I'm now for late-term abortions (say up to age 53).”

“As with most things, my approach to writing has been entirely ass-backwards. I first had to become everything but a writer -- exhaust all possibilities. I had to come to it on my knees. Only when there was truly nothing left, was I able to become a writer.”

“I must give myself permission not to like myself. It's ok. Plenty of other people don't like me either. And I have much higher standards.”

“If a person has no conscience, it's called being a sociopath. If a corporation has no conscience, it's called capitalism.”

“I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.”

“Literature today is like elevator music for a narcoleptic.”