“I am going to seek a great perhaps; draw a curtain, the farce is played out.”

“Bring down the curtain,the farce is played out.”

“I go to seek a Great Perhaps.”

“I have nothing, I owe a great deal, and the rest I leave to the poor.”

“... I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose ...”

“Readers, friends, if you turn these pagesPut your prejudice aside,For, really, there's nothing here that's outrageous,Nothing sick, or bad — or contagious.Not that I sit here glowing with prideFor my book: all you'll find is laughter:That's all the glory my heart is after,Seeing how sorrow eats you, defeats you.I'd rather write about laughing than crying,For laughter makes men human, and courageous.”

“Science without conscience is the soul's perdition.”