“Excuse me? You're a lady?""I bought a title on the Internet. I own one square inch of Scotland. And you're changing the subject.”

“Yossarian decided to change the subject. "Now you're changing the subject." he pointed out diplomatically. "I'll bet I can name two things to be miserable about for every one you can name to be thankful for.”

“Difference between TV and the internet was how far you sat from the screen. TV was an 8 foot activity, and you were a consumer. The internet was a 16 inch activity, and you participated. I think the sitting down thing is similar. You're not going to buy an armoir while standing on the subway.”

“You're going to be a father. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll throw up again.”

“You're not going to get any true confessions out of me," she said. "I'm a Leo, and our thing is changing the subject.”

“You're the man who stands on the street corner with a roll of toilet paper, and written on each square are the words, 'I love you.' And each passer-by, no matter who, gets a square all his or her own. I don't want my square of toilet paper.'I didn't realize it was toilet paper.”