“You are not my high school crush, idiot.”“Great. I can die happy, then.”

“Kid,” Richard said wearily, “I am not in the mood. I haven’t slept in thirty-six hours, my sister’s crazy–”“Hey!” Monica protested.“–and you’re not my high school crush–”“He is not my high school crush, Richard!”“The point it, I couldn’t give a crap about you, your friends, or your problems, because for me this isn’t personal. Monica will kill you because she’s nuts. I’ll kill you because you make me kill you. Are we straight?”“Well,” Shane said, “That’s kind of a personal question.”

“I'm a vampire, idiot. I don't have x-ray vision." "Some supernatural monster you are, remind me to trade you in for a werewolf, bro. Probably be more useful right now.”

“Claire, I-Look, my life is one long series of screw-ups and bad decisions, and I know that. I own that. But you...I just want you to be happy. And it cuts me when you're not.""I'm happy with you."She heard the smile in his voice this time. "So what do you really want? A storybook life in Vampireville, with your life on the line every day and a half?""I'm considering it," she said. And she was.”

“Now could you please ask these idiots to stop pointing their bullets at me? It's terribly wasteful.”

“When giants fought, ants were crushed.”

“Can I come back and see you sometime?""Long as you bring me some chocolate," Gramma said, and smiled. "I'm partial to chocolate.""Gramma, you're diabetic.""I'm old, girl. Gonna die of something. Might as well be chocolate.”