“I want you. I want you so badly I can’t stand it. When you left, it felt like the world got darker. Like I couldn’t truly see anything. Couldn’t feel anything.”

“I can’t let you die!” I sobbed. “It’ll be like I’m dead anyways without you. Since I left, that’s what it’s felt like—like some part of me died because I couldn’t be with you, couldn’t see you. I’d rather die knowing it was for your freedom.”

“Or that I couldn’t stand to watch anything bad happen to you, because it was like it was happening to me too.Is that love?”His hand clasped my hand again and squeezed.I swallowed. “It could be.”

“Are you saying you don’t want anything from me?”“I want this. I want our arrangement. I want you…” I sucked in a breath, feeling my control slip. “…to fuck it out of me.”“Fuck what out, Jocelyn?”Couldn’t he see it? Was my mask really that good? I shrugged. “All the nothing”

“I can’t answer that, Ava, because I’ve never wanted anything enough to pursue it so relentlessly. Not like I wanted you.”

“I seem to know that there’s a part of you missing. Some men can’t see the color green, but they may never know they can’t. I think you are only a part of a human. I can’t do anything about that. But I wonder whether you ever feel that something invisible is all around you. It would be horrible if you knew it was there and couldn’t see it or feel it.”