“Jennifer to Beth: Ech. I don't like Tom Cruise. Beth to Jennifer: Me neither. But I usually like Tom Cruise movies. Jennifer to Beth: Me too... Huh, maybe I do like Tom Cruise. But I hate feeling pressured to find him attractive. I don't.Beth to Jennifer: Nobody does. It's a lie perpetuated by the American media. Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts.Jennifer to Beth: Men don't like Julia Roberts?Beth to Jennifer: Nope. Her teeth scare them.Jennifer to Beth: Good to know.”

“Me, too...Huh, maybe I do like Tom Cruise. But I hate feeling pressured to find him attractive. I don't.”

“Is this what love feels like?" he whispered to her. "I don't like it, my Beth. It hurts too much.”

“Tom Cruise isn't that big of a guy," my mom always says. I love how she tries to avoid using the word "short."Yeah," I tell her in return, "but he compensates by being Tom Cruise."Not that anyone really wants to BE Tom Cruise anymore now that he's a crazy couch jumper. But whatever.”

“I use to believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and Tom Cruise too.”

“Explain to me what loving feels like, Beth. I want to understand.”

“A movie playing on the TV screen in front of us. Some sort of bad Tom Cruise drama. I've never liked Tom Cruise. He always reminded me of someone's creepy cousin, who smiles too big before he touches your butt and whispers something gross in your ear with hot whiskey breath.”