“Lasik surgery has evolved. Remarkably, it has merged with cataract surgery to give birth to a new procedure called Prelex.”

“Like a medical procedure,' Ruth said. 'Intricate surgery is needed to patch up the planet.”

“We have hearing aids in order to fix our ears. We have lasik surgery in order to fix our eyes. People ... you can't fix stupid!”

“Calling fishing a hobby is like calling brain surgery a job.”

“wouldn't you like to make sure all those millions you give to Uncle Sam went to schools and hospitals instead of nuclear warheads?'As a matter of fact, he would. Playgrounds for big kids, preschool programs to little ones, and mandatory LASIK surgery for NFL refs.”

“It is now illegal in the United States to perform genital alteration on female minors, no matter how minimal the surgery or how safe and sanitary the procedure. Newborn male genital alteration, however, is an accepted procedure in the United States.”