“Do not ridicule my effort. Everybody likes a comedian’s company. That’s why they give them tips after watching theshow, not their hard earned money for a mutual fund investment. Give him tips, not your heart. I guess youunderstand the difference.”

“I’m a nice person. I give money to starving babies and properly tip my hairdresser. Why am I the one everyone tries to kill?”

“Let me give you a tip on a clue to men's characters: the man who damns money has obtained it dishonorably; the man who respects it has earned it.”

“I love it when the Bible gives Emily Post-like tips that are both wise and easy to follow.”

“My thank-yous always come out rather labored. I often don't give them at all. People do what they're supposed to do and then wait for you to pile on the appreciation -- they're like frozen-yogurt employees who put out cups for tips.”

“Grinning at me, Kellan leaned down to kiss my cheek. “Thanks,” he muttered in my ear as he stole my beer from my fingers.I glared at him as I watched him tip it back. “Just so you know, I totally backwashed.”Kellan paused mid-gulp, then shrugged. Smiling wide once he was finished, he husked, “That’s all right…I like your fluids.”