“But here is the thing. When he gets on me, I suddenly feel I am fat. I feel am terrifically fat, so fat that Rudy is a tiny thing and hardly there at all.”

“Enormous? Did you just call me FAT? I am not fat. - Jace”

“I feel self-conscious calling my cat fat in front of a fat person, considering I’m skinny and inconsiderate.”

“Am I gonna traumatize the fat cat if he sees me fuckin' you?""As you know, his name is Spot, and he's immune to trauma. You can't feel it if your life is devoted to dishing it out.”

“I used to have Santa and the whole coal thing, but between Wade and their father, the little shits get whatever they want. They no longer feel like they need the fat bastard!”

“Look, I didn’t ask for any of this, but I’m here now. I get that it’s dangerous. I get that I’m fat. I get that I’m about as far from prepared for this insanity as you can get. But I’ll tell you something about me: I don’t quit. So enough with the let’s-scare-the-fat-girl routine, okay?”