“I really am ruggedly handsome, aren't I?”

“Are you up? Dressing? (Astrid)No. I’m pissing on your rug. What do you think I’m doing? (Zarek)I’m blind. For all I know you really are peeing on my rug, which is a very nice rug incidentally, so I hope you’re kidding. (Astrid)”

“On the contrary, I like men. They are polite and helpful and necessary for dancing. And men are so handsome and different, aren't they?""Not all of us, clearly, but I'll let that go.”

“Are you sure this is okay?” he asks. “I mean, did your dad really invite the handsome stranger who’s dating his daughter to sleep on the couch?”“I like how you added in the ‘handsome.”

“I am not handsome, but when women hear me play, they come crawling to my feet.”

“Rarely do very handsome men allow their faces to run around without a leash. I am not very handsome, but I am above-average handsome, which means I have spent only one-sixteenth of my life in front of a mirror practicing facial expressions, as opposed to the maybe one-fourth that a very handsome guy might have. Yet I can tell you that if I had accidentally spilled coffee on a first date, I would have immediately made facial expression number 69b: Spilled Coffee on First Date face.”