“If Jesus, Jesse James, and a herd of pink robot unicorns strolled in walking on water, this bunch wouldn't even look up.”

“We must always look after our friends, even when they are foolish. Especially when they are foolish.”

“If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.”

“I came ready to fight Genghis Khan and I walk in on a shut-in playing the biggest Dungeons and Dragons game in history.”

“There are two Venices I know about and one of them is a hotel in Vegas. The other is an L.A. beach where pretty girls walk their dogs while wearing as little as possible and mutant slabs of tanned, posthuman beef sip iced steroid lattes and pump iron until their pecs are the size of Volkswagens.”

“If fucking up is power, I should be the Hulk by now.”

“She'd [Allegra] look like Foxy Brown's little sister, except her head is SHAVED SMOOTH.”