“The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is because vampires are allergic to bullshit.”

“Crosses only scare vampires away because they're allergic to bullshit.”

“V.L.A.D.: Vampire League Against Discrimination.”

“Most humans are unaware that amidst the Anne Rice devotees and the vampire wannabes, actual vampires use the Net.”

“There is a crucifix, a few cloves of garlic, a wooden stake, a hammer, a blob of Silly Putty, and a pocketknife. “You do realize these people aren’t vampires, right?” I say when Sam walks back in. “Yeah, but you never know. They’re probably crazy, like you said.” “And even if we were hunting vampires, what the hell is the Silly Putty for?” He shrugs. “Just want to be prepared.”

“The difference between how you look and how you see yourself is enough to kill most people. And maybe the reason vampires don’t die is because they can never see themselves in photographs or mirrors.”