“I shook my head and turned away, unable to hear this. “I’m leaving now. I really don’t want to see you again. Nothing personal. Well, yeah, actually it is.”

“Otter says nothing and as I turn to look at him, he’s watching me, that gold-green shining with that regard that always leaves me breathless. I don’t know what he’s thinking right now. I don’t think I want to know. Are you sure? the voice in my head asks. Are you absolutely sure you don’t want to know?]”

“You can’t walk away from someone you love, leave them drowning in your desertion. If love has no more meaning than that, you can keep it. I don’t want it now or ever again. Don’t want to hear the word or wear its scars.”

“Yeah, I guess I do.” My heart plummets again. “Or I did. Maybe I still do. I don’t know. But I didn’t bring her to the dance. I brought you. It seems I spend all my time with you.”“Why is that?” I’m genuinely curious but aware that I could be opening a door I don’t want opened. I quickly rephrase. “I mean, why do you want to?”He looks thoughtful.“You’re funny,” he finally says. “I laugh a lot when I’m with you. I always have fun when I’m with you. And you try to hide it, but you’re actually pretty sweet.”“That’s a horrible thing to say,” I say petulantly, crossing my arms tightly again. He chuckles.“And you’re really smart.”“Now I know you’re lying.”“You are. But you try to hide that as well. And you’re pretty.”“Worse and worse,” I moan. He grins.“And when I’m with you, I don’t want to be anywhere else or with anyone else.”

“You can still tell Mommy that you love her and that you’ll miss her, and she’ll hear everything you say.”I looked at Mommy but quickly shook my head. “I don’t want to miss her.”

“want to see you, but I’m not sure if we should do that. I want to hear about what’s going on, but I’m afraid thatwill only start everything again. I love you—I do—but I am afraid of making that love too important. Because you’realways going to leave me, A. We can’t deny it. You’re always going to leave.”