“That was the best not-sex ever.”

“If chicken is sex then this is the best orgasm ever.”

“You are the best I've ever had. If all we do from now on is straight missionary sex at eight p.m. on Tuesday nights of months that start with J, you'll still be the best I've ever had.”

“we had sex in every position i could imagine, and some i couldn't. we had sex in every room in my house, and we had sex outdoors. you told me it was the best you'd ever had.”

“I once made love to a taco shell stuffed with rancid meat and watery tomato bits. It was the best sex I’ve ever served to an unsuspecting customer.”

“No one we knew ever believed that there was anything between us but the sex and some virulent allure, my dirty dishwater circling the drain of you. Not a pretty comparison but maybe it's the best we'll ever deserve, either of us.”