“Your basic Southern Baptist would willingly delay his personal ascent into heaven for the baser pleasure of hanging around to see you burn in hell.”

“I’d heard about the Baptists from Jacob Henry’s mother. According to her, Baptists were a strange lot. They put you in water to see how holy you were. Then they ducked you under the water three times. Didn’t matter a whit if you could swim or no. If you didn’t come up, you got dead and your mortal soul went to Hell. But if you did come up, it was even worse. You had to be a Baptist.”

“The Sisters were Southern Baptist, and they went to church on Saturdays and Sundays, and most other days, too.”

“He was willing to pay her to hang around his house and paint Piper's fingernails? It sounded as easy as Britney Spears.”

“Yeah his being Sumerian to this group would go over like an Ozzy Osbourne/Marilyn Manson duet at the Southern Baptist Convention’s annual meeting. He might as well be wearing a shit that said “Kibbles and Bits,” with a heavy emphasis on the “bits” part...”

“A woman so strong she burns heaven and drenches hell.”