“Even though I've never met my dad and don't really want to, I share some of his talents. Along with being the messenger of the gods, Hermes is the god of merchants-which explains why I'm good with money-and travelers, which explains why the divine jerk left my mom and never came back. He's also the god of thieves. He's stolen things like-oh, Apollo's cattle, women, good ideas, wallets, my mom's sanity, and my chance at a decent life.Sorry, did that sound bitter?”

“Good luck explaining to God that you used to spank one of his heavenly beings."Mom gave a startled laugh. "Sophie!""What? You did. I hope you like hot weather, Mom, that's all I'm saying.”

“How long have you been dating her?' I asked. Nine months. We never got along. I mean, I didn't even briefly like her. Like, my mom and my dad- my dad would get pissed, and then he would beat the shit out of my mom. And then my dad would be all nice and they'd have a honeymoon period. But with Sara, there's never a honeymoon period. God, how could she think I was a rat? I know, I know: Why don't we break up?' He ran a hand through his hair, clutching a fistful of it atop his head, and said, ' I guess I saty with her because she stays with me. And that's not an easy thing to do. I'm a bad boyfriend. She's a bad girlfriend. We deserve each other.”

“My mom would never ride an ATV,' he said. 'But you did.''Is that a good thing?' I asked.He traced my lips with his fingertip. 'Yes.'My body melted like a candy bar on the dashboard.”

“Wow," I heard Mom say, and I turned to her with a smile."Good luck explaining to God that you used to spank one of his heavenly beings."Mom gave a startled laugh. "Sophie!""What? You did.I hope you like hot weather, Mom, that's all I'm saying.”

“Where did all the words go?" I asked."They just wasted away," my mom explained, " like a leg you never walk on.”