“There stood Dan alone, with a ninja mask pulled over his face. Fifteen hissing bottle rockets were pointed right them."Screaming bottle of death-jutsu!" Dan yelled.”

“Dan opened the Zippo and lit the fuse.It hissed for half a seconds, then the rocket shot screaming away.Crack!"Over there!" One of the kidnappers shouted.Amy started to rise. "Let's go!""Wait," Dan said, aiming the second rocket. "It's a two-part plan." He lit the fuse and the rocket shot off in the direction of the would-be kidnappers."Auuuurrrrgghh!""Run now!" Dan said.Amy and Dan burst from the dumpster and scrambled for the entrance of the lot. Looking behind him, Dan saw that one of the kidnappers was frantically fanning his butt, which was smoking slightly."Part two was completely unnecessary, wasn't it?" Amy yelled as they ran."Yup!”

“She turned around again to see Dan approaching with a large hammer. Shane was behind him with a leaky bottle of glue. Both seemed elated over their new toy.”

“sarcasm and jokes were often the bottle in which clinical depressives sent out their most plangent screams for someone to care and help them.”

“I'm throwing out this bottle rocket.""No, wait!" Dan said, reaching for it. "It hasn't been set off yet. Don't waste it, Amy. And we don't have company coming—we have Ian Kabra coming. And I know you want to totally impress him and take him to the movies and stare dreamily into his eyes—""I do not," Amy said, too quickly."Oh, Ian," Dan said, pressing his lightsaber to his chest and batting his eyes. "Tell me again about your shiny, shiny shoes.”

“Bottles of wine aren't like paintings. At some point you have to consume them. The object in life is to die with no bottles of wine in your cellar. To drink your last bottle of wine and go to sleep that night and not wake up.”