“A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.”

“When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?”

“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.”

“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.”

“I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.”

“Men forget everything; women remember everything. That's why men need instant replay in sports. They've already forgotten what's happened.”

“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.”