“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. ”

“My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpets or ruin our lives.”

“When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.”

“Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.”

“I never panic when I get lost. I just change where it is I want to go.”

“I don't panic when I get lost. I just change where I want to go.”

“When I meet a man I ask myself, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?”