“I apologise for my friend's rudeness, he just learned how to to walk upright last year.”

“He's my best friend. We were catching up. I just told him that I forgive him for sleeping with my dad for the last four years and that I'm sleeping with my cousin's boyfriend.”

“I ought to go upright and vital, and speak the rude truth in all ways.”

“I don't understand how people canstand next to you one year,and next year, they cannot. They're going crazy, screaming. They can't take it that you're there. But last year I was in the same club,walking around,lonely like a motherfucker. Couldn't get a date or a dance. I was too skinny, too something,and now, "He's just adorable. He's just, oh!”

“And for the last ten or so years of my life, whenever my father was in the house, I've learned how to make myself scarce.”

“As I have learned over the years, your friends don’t change; you just learn to ignore or embrace the bad bits.”